Stars, pain and a tarantula

9/12
Just as study hall started downstairs with all the kids working on their homework and the little ones making paper airplanes, the power went off. No lights – no study hall. Everyone dispersed to their houses and my girls decided to have worship outside under the stars. We sang a couple hymns and when the last note was sung, we listened for a few seconds to the other houses who were singing and having their worship outside as well. Every once in a while, I get hit with this overwhelming feeling of how great God is and I felt that feeling as we sat under a sky filled with twinkling lights. I’ve seen some pretty amazing stars at my summer camp, but the stars in Bolivia seem so close. They’re so bright and big and they make heaven seem just a little bit closer.

In that moment, I wished so badly that I could talk to my girls in English so that I could try to help them feel what I was feeling. God is so big. He made giant balls of fire then put them in the sky just for our enjoyment. Someone who created so many amazing objects, seen and unseen, so many different feelings and so many different personalities is a God that leaves me in awe whenever I stop to look around me.
While not having electricity caused a few problems like my girls almost setting their room on fire by playing with matches, without electricity, I was able to notice the stars and sit for a while in awe of who God is and the things that He has created. 
The song Indescribable by Chris Tomlin says it pretty well. 

“Indescribable, uncontainable – You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name. You are amazing, God.
All-powerful, untamable – awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim, You are amazing, God.”

9/13

“One of our girls is cutting herself.” How do you respond to that? Sometimes I strongly dislike feelings because when others hurt or inflict pain on themselves because they’re hurting, I hurt for them too. My heart aches when I think about it. I think that I’m slightly innocent when it comes to these things and I don’t exactly understand the reason behind why people cut themselves but maybe it’s because one of my girls has been hurt so badly in the past and she wasn’t able to control that hurt but cutting herself is a type of pain that she can control. I don’t understand why.
She doesn’t know that I know. She doesn’t know that I know a lot about her past and the pain that she’s been through. Miguel tells Kimberly and me these things so that we can try to understand where certain moods and behaviors are coming from when she acts out in different ways. So far, I’ve just felt so appalled at what she has gone through but have no idea what to do with what I’ve been told. I really wish I had my mom’s wisdom to be able to talk to this girl. My mom has a way with words, she always knows what to say to make things better but it’s just Kimberly and me, trying to figure things out as we go and praying that God tells us what we should do. For now, that’s all that we know to do; replace the sharp edge mirror in her room, hopefully install a door handle in the bathroom instead of using a knife to open the door and pray for guidance.

9/15

Dooms day finally came. I came out to the living room to have morning worship with my girls and saw him – the biggest and fuzziest tarantula I had ever seen chillin on one of the living room walls. Excuse you Mr. tarantula. This is not your house. I had seen him last Sabbath chilling on the ceiling in the cafeteria during lunch and had fearfully watched him inch his way towards the other side of the cafeteria towards my house. I had kept tabs on him for about an hour or so but once I left the building to do an activity with my girls, I returned an hour later to find no tarantula in sight. I knew I was going to wake up in the middle of the night either with him on my face or with him perched on my mosquito net staring at me. Thankfully, none of those things happened but nevertheless, he was still in my house Thursday morning. Kimberly had worship, which was fantastic because I could not pay attention to what she was saying at all. I had to make sure that the thing didn’t try any sudden moves. I had my fight or flee guard up (running away was definitely my only option that I would have taken if he had decided to jump my way.) In this story, Kimberly is the hero because after worship, she put on her rain boots, courageously knocked Mr. Tarantula off the wall and then smashed him with her boots. I aspire to be as brave as her. Maybe in a couple months they won’t bother me any more and I’ll be able to kill them without fear but for now, that’s not the case. It’s actually impressive that I’ve been here for a month and that was the first tarantula to find its way into our house especially since the other girl’s house is finding them in their hut consistently every week. I’ll accredit our safety to living on the second floor above the cafeteria – praise God!